Race goals?

I wasn't sure this was the post that I wanted to write today. As much as I don't want to, I can't stop brooding about this race. My training has been so haphazard this year that I've had to overhaul all my goals and expectations for the races I've scheduled so far. I haven't had to pare down the schedule yet, in fact I've added in a few more, but when it comes down to performance things just aren't where I want them to be. I have no one to blame but myself, as my lack of commitment is the only thing standing between me and progress. Originally this half on Sunday was meant to be a go at a PR, setting myself up for an even bigger PR on June 2. The race in June is still going to be a PR attempt for me, but not the sub 2 I was hoping for. Sigh.

This will be my fifth half, and I seem to be getting progressively slower at the distance. There are a lot of factors at work here (age, training, etc) but it doesn't escape my attention that my first half and standing PR was run when I was 20 lbs lighter. I feel like I'm stuck in a body that isn't mine, very awkward and cumbersome. Faster gears are harder to find during workouts  My legs continue to feel like dead weight. I wish I could pinpoint where the wheels came off the wagon. Is there truth to the idea that turning 30 screws your metabolism? Is weight gain a side effect of one of the many medications and supplements that I'm currently taking? I'd love to get a clearer picture of what is going on. Even at the peak of marathon training last year I still topped out beyond my comfort level.

Taking all these feelings and factors into account, I'm still afraid to make any prognostications about Sunday. Now that the pain in my legs seems to be under control I don't worry about finishing. I suppose I do have those secret time goals in my head (great, okay, and shoot yourself) but I can't admit them here. I think the biggest challenges will be leaving my ego at home and getting out of my own way. I'm at a comparable level of fitness to last year's go at this race, so I could use that time as a predictor. One thing that I am happy to hear is that so far the weather will be almost perfect. Last year it was very cold and rainy for the entire race. This year temps look to start in the mid 40s, getting up to 70 later in the day, no rain in sight. The race starts at 7:30 so getting overheated should not be a concern.

I guess the smart thing to do would be to leave the watch at home and treat this as a regular long run. Let go of the splits in my mind, try to reconnect with why I run in the first place. I had two good runs this week so I am feeling a bit better about my potential. Use that to dig deep for 13.1 miles. As always, I am open to suggestion and advice. I know that a lot of my teammates are racing this weekend and I wish you all the best of luck. I'll be back at the track on Tuesday; no rest for slightly overscheduled chubby runner.