Wednesday, July 11, 2012

What do I want out of running?

I've been staring at this screen for a few hours now, this question repeating in my mind. What do I want out of running? I suppose this is a discussion I've needed to have with myself for some time now but have been avoiding it. Now that I'm starting my running journey over, again, it seems appropriate that I give this some thought. The question was posed to me earlier this evening by a friend and for some reason it has me spinning my wheels.

At first I wrote down whatever popped into my head:

A new body
Faster race times
Stress release

It wasn't an easy list to come up with, and it seems short and shallow. My brain does not seem interested in generating any other thoughts. The meaning of running in my life has been and continues to be foggy. I would like nothing more than to wake up tomorrow refreshed and fully committed to embracing running as part of who I am. Something that I can't live without. But that is not going to be the case. I'm going to snooze the alarm excessively, think about blowing off the measly three miles I had planned, blow off those planned miles, and then beat myself up about it the rest of the day.

I'm frustrated that I lost over a month of training time. I'm frustrated that getting back into a groove isn't coming easy. I'm frustrated that I'm too scared to try. So what do I do now? If those things I listed above are really what I want from running, why aren't I doing everything I can to get them? If that list just scratches the surface, what can I do to get to the real truth of the matter? I have the time but not the motivation. I have options but lack the resources to utilize them. I love to run. I really do. I just...I don't know. Something is missing. 

This question is going to stay unanswered for now. I'm not satisfied with the superficial things that I've come up with thus far. I need to clear my head and remember what is important to me. This is a really unique time in my life, so much has changed in the last few weeks and so many more changes are on the horizon. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have some sense of control in my life and am becoming an active participant in it. I just need to sort out what stays and what needs to go.

I don't think it has even taken me this long to compose a post this brief. It is way past my bedtime but I can't seem to shut my mind off. My words feel inadequate. Should I be giving something so small as running this much time and attention? I suppose it is an indication of what running means to me. But why? And how? Questions for another time. If you made it through this post, thank you. If you have any thoughts you'd like to share with me, I'd be most grateful. 


  1. What does running do for you? Do you LOVE running? IN every sense of the word, or are you just looking for something to fill a void in your life and this is what you have come up with? Maybe you need to explore other options...... trail runs, bike rides, swimming, what about total physical strength and fitness? These are questions only you can answer! You have come to a crossroads in your life in many ways. Which way do you take? Only you can make that decision, the beauty of it is..... there is no time limit, take as long as you like, ponder it, the right choice shall come to you!

  2. I think every runner has highs and lows. What helps me to stay focused on running is signing up for faces but more imprtantly find a group of friends to run with. We always talk running, checking on new running outfits and meet every Saturday no matter what for a run. It helps me to have fun and keeps me acountable.

  3. I sure don't love running when it's hot and humid. i love it almost all other times.

  4. Y'know, I think you might want to consider whether you love running, or just being a runner. They're two separate things. Kinda like the difference between loving the person you're in a relationship you're with, versus just loving the fact that you're in a relationship.

    Make sense?

  5. I was going to say I hear you, but I think Cris hit the nail on the head. Right now I love being a runner, but running has been pretty nasty to me lately. (Ok, maybe I've been mean to it.) But right now I go between retiring forever and signing up for a spring marathon. But maybe I need to take a little time to just see running casually for a while.