Pressing the pause button

I'm glad I decided to make dinner and sit down for a few minutes before I wrote this post. Had I done it as soon as I'd gotten home from the gym, you'd be reading something depressing and self-pitying. The long and the short of it is this.  I've been having some pain in my left leg since the tail-end of marathon training.  I took a considerable amount of time off running after the marathon and have been diving back into it these past couple of weeks. The leg pain has come back with a vengeance, culminating in a very bad run today.  I wasn't even one mile into it before I had to stop and stretch but as soon as I started up again the pain was right there.  I must have looked ridiculous, hopping on and off the treadmill belt several times until I finally stopped at 1.5 miles. Probably my shortest run ever.

More out of frustration than anything else, I cried my way over to the bike and through 5 miles before I decided it was best just to go home. You can in fact cry and bike at the same time, unlike running. The pain subsided on the bike and once I was a little calmer I sulked my way back to the car and home. I wish I knew what was wrong. My PT is a good friend but out of town until Saturday. I'm going to Florida for 2 days on Thursday and I see my plans to run along the beach disappearing. I am also registered to run a four mile race on New Years Eve, just a few days from now. Just the idea of not being able to run is really upsetting, even if it is only for a week or two. I'm frustrated by some recent weight gain and all I know is running to fight it. I feel like a considerable bit of my identity is wrapped up in running, so if I can't do it then who am I? Not a runner.

Rather than let my mind keep going down that path of self-doubt and self-loathing, I'm trying to just breathe. It might not be that bad. I took some Aleve, I'm icing and elevating.  There are other ways I can exercise and I can't eliminate them just because I do not enjoy them. Crosstraining is a definite weakness of mine and I should use this opportunity to keep moving in whatever manner I can. At least, that is what I am trying to convince myself of right now. There is still a large part of me that just wants to eat whatever I can get my hands on and wallow. I've been injured before and I don't want to experience that ever again. I don't like being out of control, not in the slightest. I'm going to sleep on it tonight and try a gentle run again tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for me kids, hopefully this is nothing that some better stretching, foam rolling, or warming up can't cure.