Commitment

Blogging from the tub.  No, really.  I couldn't decide what I wanted to do more, post or soak, so I'm multitasking like a pro.  Yesterday's run was at the gym despite the lovely weather outside.  If I'm paying $50 a month for a membership I should probably show up from time to time.  Four miles on the dreaded treadmill in 39:09 with some ab work to follow.  I'll take it.  I've had some seriously shitty runs lately, so I can't afford to be picky.  I've been running faster on the roads recently, during my lunch hour, but I also have small pauses for traffic lights etc that allow me to catch my breath before plowing forward.  Not sure that I could maintain that pace on a treadmill or open road for the distance.  I also think the time constraint might help.  I only have 40 minutes to run, since I lose time on both ends of the hour thanks to changing and showering.   So I want to pack in as many miles as I can.  Last time I got into that kind of groove, however, I tore my hammy.  So, I suppose I should be careful.  Maybe.   I'm kind of addicted to watching my pace improve, hell or high water, so....yeah.

No run for me today, 40 minutes of lunch hour yoga a la Shiva Rea instead.  Her Surf Yoga dvd doesn't have as many choices as some of her others, but if you want to work up a quick sweat you are in luck.  She has a section called Agni Namaskar, which basically means "I'm going to kick your ass, but with love and light."  Nine sets of ten prostration pushups sandwiched between basic vinyasas had my tshirt clinging to me by the end.  The small breaks between sets help at first but can only do so much to get you through 90 pushups without shortening the sets or going to your knees.  She knows this and for the last 3 sets she asks that you make a dedication to something in your life for that set.  For me, I chose school, running, and recovery.  Repeating that particular dedication for every push up in the set really did help me power through.  It made me wonder what else I could do with a true dedication and some harnessed energy.  It sounds great, but hard.  And since one of my biggest struggles with anything I do in life is give 100%, I can't see myself making headway with a specific goal any time soon. 

Does anyone else struggle to give 100%?  I have had races where I toe the line knowing I didn't do everything I could have to get ready.  In fact, most of my races are like that.  I blew off workouts, didn't watch my nutrition, etc etc.  Every damn time, in fact.  Mental toughness aside, the ability to give 100% and do what it takes to toe the line at MCM with confidence is going to be a huge hurdle for me.  Am I ready for something like running to take over my life for several months?  Because to be the best that I can be, it will have to.  Nevermind school, work, and a personal life.  Am I willing to make those kinds of sacrifices?  I don't think registering for the race was a sign that I might be.  Clicking the mouse is not making a statement or throwing down a gauntlet.  What will it take for me?  How can I focus and commit?  I'll be looking to other blogs and books for help as I start working this through.  Suggestions are actively encouraged. 

Since the water is becoming room temperature and my skin is getting that pruny look I suppose I should wrap it up.  Aside from that fact that I'd love a solid 9 hours of sleep tonight too.  Be safe, run well, and take care.