Sunday, June 19, 2011

Off days

Apologies for my absence, I don't like taking more than one day off from blogging.  It helps me feel connected to other people and gets my outside of my own head for a little while.  I haven't run since Thursday.  I took Friday off to rest before my long run on Saturday and that is also when I started to feel off.  Overtired, grumpy, sad, generally off.  A headache and that general malaise sent me to bed by 9 on Friday night.  My long run time was moved from 7 am to 6 am so I set my alarm for 4:30 and checked it over and over again to make sure I'd set it correctly.  I was actually looking forward to the course.  What actually happened was me sleeping really lightly, having weird dreams, and waking up at 9 to see I'd slept through it all.  In my obsessive checking of the damn clock I'd turned it off. I was not happy.  But I was also still exhausted so I slept for a few more hours, seeing as there was nothing I could do about the run at that point.  It ended up working out in the end, as I checked my email once I'd gotten up and seen that my run had been cancelled at 5 am due to thunder.  Nice break, right? 

I spent the day at a band meeting and then cooking up a storm with Stacie to stock my freezer once my grad class starts in 10 days.  The game plan became going to bed early, again, and getting up around 7 to do 10 miles on my own to make up for the canceled run.  Simple enough.  That ended up failing too because a migraine woke me up before my alarm did.  I couldn't even open my eyes, so I knew a simple footstep on the pavement would be excruciating.  Another run bites the dust.  I slept until noon and dragged myself to the couch for some meds and this.  I still feel off, migraine or not.  I'm frustrated that I missed a long run.  I haven't been eating right.  I don't feel entirely in control of my life right now and instead of stepping up to change that I tend to retreat into my own head and let someone else take the wheel.  I've only got a few hours today before I need to be at work tonight for my organization's yearly international conference.  This whole weekend just seems shot to shit and I'm not sure how to salvage it.  The place is a mess and the coming week leaves no time but now to take the reins and get something done. 

I'm not sure I'm going with this. No running in 4 days really disturbs me, both in fear of losing fitness and fear of gaining more weight.  I know both are hardly true but the thoughts still linger.  The urge to climb back into bed is strong, it is my last chance to catch up on sleep until next Sunday.  But I think that would do more harm than good.  Times like this I miss my mom, she is great at taking charge and getting things done. In short order I'd be in the shower, dressed, and helping her wash dishes.  Before I knew it the place would be clean and we'd have moved on to something fun.  Some days I can channel her and do a fairly decent job of it but not today.  Some days you just need to do the bare minimum to get through it and start over tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Sometimes possibilities don't have to be scary.  Sometimes they mean hope.  And that is how I'm seeing it today.  If you made it through this, thank you for listening.  I promise I'll get to you back to your regularly scheduled blogging soon. Hope you all had a great weekend.


  1. I am sorry you have been feeling so off lately. We all definitely go through those times. I like your ending points though...we do have days like this but tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities and we just have to trust that we will move on and better times will be ahead.

    Hang in there! You have all of us here in blog world pulling for you!

  2. I am so so sorry you had a rough weekend. I really hope you start feeling better soon.

    Everyday is a new opportunity to start over and make it the best day ever. Keep that in mind and stay positive. I am always here for you girl.